Part I is at https://allwrong.wordpress.com/2007/04/04/the-glass-is-half/
The pessimist says that the glass is half-empty.
The optomist says that the glass is half-full.
The smart-alec says that the glass is half-full if you are filing it, but half-empty if you are emptying it.
The depressive says that the glass is half empty; and that even what is left is slowly evaporating.
The extreme optomist says that the glass is full: half full of liquid, half full of air.
The idiot asks, “Half full? Bottom or top half?”.
Oliver asks, “Please, sir, can I have some more?”
The paranoid makes you taste it first.
The ultra-paranoid makes you taste it first, then wipes the rim.
The entrepreneur sells novelty beer mats that weighs the glass, and then emails the bar-tender when there is less than 50% remaining.
My enemy claims that the glass is his.
This is getting tedious. Surely you must have some better ones? Your comments are welcome.
All Wrong 